is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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