Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
