At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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