I accidentally burped into my bong.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
