It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
