i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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