Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
