My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
