You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
