1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
