Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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