Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
