All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
