you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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