I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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