I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Alive.
So much puke
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
