Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
