he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
