As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
