I need help removing her.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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