I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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