Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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