You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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