I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
honey bunches of taint.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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