I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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