Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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