my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
