Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
