there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
