Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
