I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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