We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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