I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
