Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
