3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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