The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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