I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
