Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
