I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Where did you get a picture of my penis
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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