She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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