Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
