did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
