o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
