handjob tips. give me some.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
