Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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