After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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