Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
splinters make it hard to masturbate
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
