WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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