The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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