The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
