I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
These tits shall not be calmed
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
