Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
