I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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