I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
