which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
