He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
