I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Porn is love you can see.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
