he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
