Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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