if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
