loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
