So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
