I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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