i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
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this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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