i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
