Just cropdusted the office
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me