You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO