So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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