remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
