i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
