I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
