She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
