Just fell off a train. Bad.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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