The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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