I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
