I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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