As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
His nipple licking is glorious
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