I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
