I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
